Part of what I gain in hiking is seeing great beauty, but mostly it's about feeling that beauty in my heart. There's an explicit selfishness in what I do. Leaving family and friends to pursue a journey that is purely self-fulfilling means leaving love behind. And I know that there will always be a missing link in understanding why my heart is split and called away.
The "why" is broad, but if it can be narrowed down, it's about simplicity. The simplicity of traveling solely by the means of my body. There is a happiness in movement that is more satisfying than anything else I've found. To go to sleep every night feeling that my body was designed so specifically for this use makes my heart explode in gratitude. I am capable not only physically, but opportunistically, I have been blessed with time and ability and that is when happiness become simple.
The concept of need is so overwhelming to me, so much so that it can blur my understanding of happiness. When all of my needs are met from the pack on my back, I realize what my true needs are, and they are satisfied wholly with what is surrounding me every day. Less clutter, less mess, less distraction. And when I have less, I appreciate it so much more. Out on the trail there is no constant stimulus, there is no noise, there is nothing unnecessary. Most everything is limited, and so the abundance of time becomes immeasurably meaningful. Suddenly I'm simply happy to have something, where I would otherwise see nothing.
There's a very big non-truth that somehow inches its way into my life in the "real world". I start feeling like I'm being told that I am not strong, and that I will give up, and that it's OK. I accepted this faux reality for a long time before I decided that giving up is not OK. There are days when my pack seems to weigh double, and the water sources are too few, and my food supplies are nearing empty along with my energy levels. And then every climb I thought was the last peak exposes the next even steeper climb ahead. And there is no other option but to keep moving forward. There is no quitting. Those days I spend hours listening to my body scream profanities and my mind degrade my ability. Those are the days I set up camp stronger than I was when I packed up that same morning. After those days I forget the pain and the tears that tried to stop me and all I take with me is the resilience that kept me walking. And the end of those days are the happiest. Those are the days I remember that all I had to do was simply walk.
We live in a world that is over complicated. Everyday has a time limit and we accept those boundaries without question. And we watch everyday as those walls squeeze us in to the point where we believe we can't break out. Limitless happiness is thrown at us every day just in the opportunity to be alive and we are hard-wired to chase it, but we don't. We fight against our most natural impulses. For some reason we choose against what we want most over and over again. It's complicated and scary, but when it comes down to it, happiness is a choice and I choose to simply be happy. So I hike.
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